Unloading the font after the text object is creating causes an access violation. That's probably expected (I was hoping the texture for the text object actually cloned the glyph-sheet).
I guess I'm going to have to live with just a TON of fonts loaded in.
EDIT: While writing this, another test came into my head, and I tried it, and found a complete workaround for the issue without a ridiculous amount of memory (only one font loaded, as it normally would be).
Regarding the previously listed order of operations for the workaround, only the dummy font needs to be (and can be) unloaded safely. Also, the desired font can be reused.
This achieves the desired functionality.
I'm going to put it into effect and try it as it will be in production to confirm this works. Wish me luck.